Saturday, 30 July 2011

Things to do in Pai

Things to do in Pai Thailand, from the Pai Events Planner (I am not making this stuff up):

The Womb (I JEST YOU NOT): The Womb is an experimental living community centered around love, meditation, creativity and the courage to discover your own truth. Give birth to your spiritual self. Also enjoy 'Aqua Floating' at 'The Womb', a gentle therapy where you are floated on the water surface and underwater. Experience deep states of relaxation as you melt and merge into the limitless.

(when they say float underwater and 'melt and merge to the limitless', does that mean they want to drown you?!)

The Healing Pyramid: The Healing Pyramid is a spiritual centre which specialises in both usui and shamballa reiki courses. Also offering crystal healing, cranio sacral therapy, chakra balancing, oracle card readings, and transformative work. It also has holistic treatments such as fruit and flower facials and detox packages.

Suggested Entry into Pai Events Planner:

Organic Colonic Irrigation  - Eat one dodgy pork Pad Thai. Wait one day. Apply Imodium when necessary, otherwise sit back and relax with your own personal chunder bucket in lovely Thai hostel surroundings. Rehydration Sachets not included in price.

Thursday, 28 July 2011

So - we are in Pai, Thailand right now. It is in the north of the country, a four hour country bus journey from Chiang Mai and I feel SO out of place. Primarily because I am missing the look to fit in to this place: imagine the love-child of Yoko Ono and Bob Marley founding a town in the foothills of Thailand and spraying it with peace, happiness and tattoo parlours. Yes, we are in the epitome of what can be shamelessly constituted as the modern day capital of the western white hippy, the vegan, the tofu muncher and conservation/environmentalist freak (whilst still riding fuel consuming mopeds EVERYWHERE). Yes. these lovely fellows are generally clad in hemp, have many opinions on the universe and tend to sit on the street playing bongos, chanting and cuddling the rabid local street dogs. They are tattood to the point that clothing becomes futile and Bob blares out of every speaker in town "Buffallo soldier...". Now don't get me wrong, I love a good hippy like any other person, once I even wanted to be one. But my dear friends, in my Topshop dress and my tattoo-free complexion I feel out of place. While my ipod screams hippie, my heart screams hamburger.

But Pai is still worth a visit, swing yourself on a moped and explore the waterfalls, the tempels and the jungle. Yes, when I say 'swing yourself on a moped', know how to bloody work one first, thankfully G is a very capable driver and I have not ended up in Thai A&E yet. Yet.

Of ourse another thing that could get you into Thai A&E and then perhaps straight to Thai prison is the possibility of consuming certain substances, so care is to be taken at all times. An example would be suspected 'laced peanuts' in a bar called 'Buffallo' (see - BOB ffin MARLEY again!). I suggest not consuming anything offered to you by a man just dressed in dungarees, manically dancing to 'Sexual Healing' whilst giving G deranged 'sexual' looks. No no. Stay away from the drug laced peanuts, and you will not go to prison.

I promise to write you more on Pai. But G needs feeding and I need a cold beer and a hippy to gawp at.
Hello and thank you all for visiting - even if it is just to to read this first line, shake your heads and think, "God I've actually enjoyed not having to listen to this crazy woman for a couple of weeks, why bother reading her blog?" Dear Reader, I shall tell you why it is worth your while and designated internet stalking time to read this darn thing: I am travelling through Thailand and Laos for 5 weeks with my dear friend Georgina - and neither have us have a clue what the hell it is we are doing. Not an idea, a glimmer or glimpse of what is reasonable behaviour in southeast Asia. Hence, we do stupid things. End up in stupid places or eat stupid food. We don't mean to, honestly. We are just what the Thais call typical 'farang' - foreigners, and this, my dear reader is why you should tune in to my blog once in a while, even if it is just to laugh at us.