Tuesday, 23 August 2011

People-Watching on a Ferry to Koh Phi Phi

Good day, dear reader. Today I write from the beautiful island of Koh Phi Phi in the Andaman sea, and what a glorious day it is. Koh Phi Phi is where the movie 'The Beach' was filmed, based on the book by Alex Garland - you know the one with Leonardo DiCaprio on the beach, pretending to be a hippie on the beach, and then pissing all the other hippies on the beach off? Yes that one. ANYWAY. It is BEAUTIFUL! When I say 'it' I also only definitely mean the scenery, not the people.

Generally, the travellers we have come upon in the south have been of varying degrees of interest and, lets be quite honest here, different levels of ludicrousness. The best observations have been on the boat to Koh Phi Phi. I begin with the 'Three Blind Mice':

The 'Three Blind Mice' were three charming Italian gentlemen sitting across from us on deck of the 'RMS Nutcase'. I use the word 'charming' in a loose sense, since the three were rather on the overripe end of their raver's careers, and they knew it. They knew it so well that they had clad themselves in the hippest hip kid kit in Italy: Ed Hardy and pink neckties. It wasn't just that. I mean, I am judgmental, but not THAT judgmental, oh no no. The first blind mouse had given his graying hair a buzz-cut, but still donned an impressive waxed moustache, that looked like he had acquired it straight from the Oktoberfest. Lovely. On top of this, he appeared to have pierced his ears with pink straws. The second gentleman had a tattoo on his calf depicting his late dog 'Bruno', and the third made interesting use of his travel towel as an additional necktie. I was impressed.

Now we come to the American girls. Now, I understand that in the US of A, one cannot drink until one reaches the age of 21, unless of course one illegally procures some form of alcoholic beverage. Please note, this does not mean that it is OK to get wasted on Bacardi Breezers (really how old ARE you?) on deck of a very rocky ferry, whilst spilling your cigarette ash on your fellow passengers. Nor does it make it acceptable for a rather obese female member of the group to attempt a belly flop on the way to the loos and in the process to reveal her 'once-white-now-very-yellow-thong' to the public, no to speak of the part of her bum that the thong failed to cover.

We arrive at my favorite passenger; Deborah, 58 from Perth. Deborah is a vivacious blonde at the peak of her life, she demonstrates this by donning a neon 'I Love Fullmoon, Koh Phangnan 2011' T-Shirt, downing a can of lager and smoking her body weight in cheap Thai cigarettes. But the T-shirt was not the only thing Deborah acquired at Full Moon, apart from a hangover/shroomover she also picked up her Spanish 24 year old toyboy, Juan, and probably chlamydia. You go Debs!

Oh, I do love people.

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